Why am I so tired?
I asked Rob if I should find a primary care doctor and go get a physical. He asked about my symptoms and said they would only draw some labs and tell me that I am a mom of young kids, of course I’m tired.And while I agree that meeting the needs of little need-sucks all day long is exhausting, I don’t think that’s entirely it.
Then I started thinking about the enormity of just being a mom. My role and influence in the lives of these two little people is large right now, almost too large to wrap my mind around. I feel the weight of their well being every single day.
Their physical well being weighs on me. It is literally a full time activity to just keep them safe. From sharp edges, from falling off chairs, from choking on food, or from maiming each other. They are injuries waiting to happen. All the time.
I feel the weight of their relationship with this world. I want them to have healthy outlooks on food, alcohol, media. I feel the responsibility of teaching them how to process their experiences and how to make decisions. Wise ones. The kind that lead to peace and contentment.
I feel the weight of their relationships with people. Especially their sibling relationship. I want them to play with each other, to value each other, and to protect each other. I want desperately for them to think of others more than they think of themselves. I want them to respect authority, to play well with their peers, and to love their family.
And most of all I feel the weight of their spiritual well being. I want them to know truth and experience the deep, abiding relationship with Christ that will bring them earthly blessing and eternal life. I want to do everything I know to do to pour the Bible into their minds and teach them God’s love and help them discern His voice. I want to train them up in the way they should go.And while Rob and I do agree that I should go get my blood work checked just for good measure (don’t worry, mom ;)). I know that these weights are what make me tired. It is a heavy, high calling to feed bodies and souls day after day. I want so much for them, and yet I know my own limitations.
I am not all knowing or all powerful or all wise.
But I am thankful for the One who is. I am thankful it is He who holds their lives. Holds their days and their futures. He asks me to be responsible with my role, but He offers also to be my Strength in weakness and my Hope for tomorrow. And He even offers me His yoke, which He promises is light.
And that is the Bread of Life that I need to sustain me when I am so.darn.tired.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matt. 11:28-30